Line of Reasoning
by just-passing-time
Summary: Why? Because some people find sanity a little confining.
1. Over My Head

Okay, priorities first; a big thanks to Jade Sabre for beta reading this, (so many red words,) I really appreciate it.

Don' think I need to tell anybody, but I don't own anyone, bar Kiara.

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Over My Head

_Kiara_

"This 'ere calls for a celebration. Duncan, break open the kegs!"

I raised an eyebrow and shook my head, my hair falling lifelessly into my eyes, blood holding each usually bright blue strand together, "Khelgar, everything with you calls for a celebration."

I frowned at the sight of the table covered in platters of cheese that had been laid out before us. Cheese? Duncan was greeting us with cheese?

The loud, lumbering dwarf turned to face me; as per usual, upon entering the tavern after a long week of killing bad guys his first thoughts were of ale.

"But this time it really _is_ a celebration. See, we saved the lass whatserface―"

"Shandra," the blond girl cut in.

"―_and _we killed all those Githyonkli."

Casavir showed no sign of obvious agitation as he corrected Khelgar, _"_It's pronounced_ 'Githyanki'_."

From behind me, I heard a sharp, cynical voice cut into whatever Khelgar was going to say next. "Well, it doesn't matter what they called themselves. We're not going to be seeing them again."

"Bishop, I said you could stay with us. Not voice your opinion whenever you please. If I ever want you opinions I'll―" I cut off, realizing the idiocy of what I was saying. "Nah, I'll never want you opinion."

He gave a low chuckle, making his way to his usual corner to order his usual drink, which he would drink till he was drunk, as per usual.

"Smart girl," he muttered.

Casavir's blue eyes followed the path of the ranger, his expression naturally dark and worried.

"My lady," he started, when Bishop had sat himself down and didn't seem to be listening, "I admit Bishop was an important asset in the rescuing of Shandra, but we don't need him anymore. I don't like the way he looks at―"

Damn it. Not _another_ rant. Oh well, look on the bright side; at least he's slowly working away from his speeches about Old Owl Well.

"Casavir," I started calmly, cutting off whatever he'd been saying, "Don't you have some prayers to catch up on?"

A conversation with my uncle Duncan, an argument with Qara, a small fire, and a few dark leers from Bishop later, I was sitting at a wobbly table with Khelgar, Neeshka and Shandra. The farm girl sat by my left side, whereas Khelgar and the tiefling, Neeshka, both sat across from me. Shandra was clearly exhausted, but she'd stayed in the main room of the tavern with us.

I listened as Khelgar and Neeshka traded a few jokes at the githyanki's dispense. They went over everything that had happened, from me snapping the githyanki leader's neck, to the repulsive demon Xanis falling on top of Bishop and smothering him with his, or maybe her, fat rolls.

Thank the gods we've gotten rid of all those bloody githyanki; another day with Khelgar mispronouncing their names would have driven me over the edge.

An odd silence fell upon the room when I was up to my third, or maybe forth mug of ale and I immediately knew that whoever had entered wasn't the average patron.

"What is it now?" I huffed from the rim of my glass mug, my shoulders slouched. "I was just starting to get relaxed."

"And drunk," Neeshka teased, before looking over my shoulder with a curious look upon her pixie-like face.

From beside me Shandra swiveled in her chair to see the new arrival. I too turned to sneak a peek at the entrance, the tavern door swinging closed on its rusty hinges.

A young man, presumably human, stood looking around the bar, obviously intent about finding somebody. His golden hair was smooth and sleeked back, showing his nonsensically handsome and tan face. He bore the symbol of Neverwinter upon a baby blue tunic that he wore atop platted armor.

"Damn, he's part of the Neverwinter Nine," I cursed, turning promptly so that my back was facing the door once more. "Everyone look away and try and look normal."

I turned at the sound of Bishop giving an amused snort from his seat, swaying in his drunken stupor. I rolled my eyes before looking back at the occupants on my own table.

I started whistling inconspicuously only to get a giggle from Neeshka and a sigh from Shandra.

"Ye are aware that we're sittin' with a demon, right lass?" Khelgar queried, raising a thick eyebrow. "Not to mention ye've got blue hair."

I'd dyed it a few days before the Harvest Festival in West Harbor. There were big bright chunky streaks of blue amidst my stark black hair that had been cropped a few inches long. The only long bit of hair was my fringe which I chose to push to one side, and it only just reached my chin.

Neeshka giggled, "It almost glows in the dark. I don't know how you manage sneaking up on people when you're hair glows. You'd think it'd make you a horrible rogue."

And you'd think not being able to stop talking would make _you_ a horrible rogue.

My hand rose slowly to my hair as I blinked at Khelgar. "What's wrong with my hair?" I thought it looked cool.

It only took a few moments before the usual sounds of the tavern started again, everything seemingly normal once more. From the corner of my eye I saw the man making towards our table.

Damn it.

"Lass, this'll be our lucky day, **'**ey? I was starting to worry that after we killed all of 'em Githyonkli―"

"Githyanki," Neeshka hurried to correct the dwarf.

"―Well, I was worried we weren't going to have as many fights. I sure am hopin' that the lad is 'ere for us."

I mumbled into my drink and took another sip.

Upon seeing the annoyed look that was stained upon my features, Shandra was quick to put her word in, "Well, maybe he's not here for us, Kiara."

With perfect timing, undermining Shandra's exact words, I saw that the man had approached our table. With hands placed upon his hips, he gave us all the once over, a grim line set to his lips.

I hunched over even further and took another long swig from my drink.

"Maybe if we ignore him, he'll go away," I said, finishing off the last few drops of ale.

No such luck.

"Which one of you is Lieutenant Kiara?"

His voice was soft but arrogant. This was a man whom was used to getting his way. There was a slightly dour tone to his voice as he asked for me.

Shandra, Neeshka and I were the only women in sight, so I was going to have some trouble pinning it on somebody else.

I sighed, clanking my empty glass to the table and looked to him. My pale blue eyes met his. With a flat smile, devoid of all humor, I gave him a little finger wave.

"Are you looking for the kick-ass, beautiful and incredibly modest Kiara? That would be me," I said through a fake smile whilst trying not to grit my teeth. "What's wrong _this_ time? Is it undead? Githyanki? Dragons? Undead githyanki riding atop dragons?"

My reply was a few vacant blinks before the man dropped both arms to his sides and raised his head regally.

"I've come by order of Lord Nasher himself."

My brow creased, "Nasher?"

He ignored me, continuing his introduction, "I am Nevalle from the Neverwinter Nine, and I'm here to―"

I gaped up at him, doing an exceptionally good impersonation of a fish on land.

"_Nasher_?" I repeated.

What could possibly have happened that has Nasher getting involved? He's usually busy sitting on his throne and looking pompous.

Nevalle gave a low cough, interrupting my sudden outburst.

"I'm here to inform you that a Luskan village known as Ember has been massacred."

Oh. Is _that_ all? I was worried it was something big.

"Uh-huh."

"Have you ever traveled to, or near, Ember?"

"Uh-huh."

He took a deep breath before continuing, "Lord Nasher is aware of your services to Neverwinter through ridding the docks of Moire's influence. Lord Nasher appreciates these efforts. Lord Nasher doesn't want what I'm about to say to be taken the wrong way."

Frowning, I nodded vaguely, "Uh-huh."

Boy oh boy, he says 'Lord Nasher' at the beginning of every sentence. Besides, Nevalle wouldn't be talking about me like that if he knew that I'd gone to see Caleb about joining Moire's gang first. But Caleb picked fun at Khelgar and Neeshka, and then he'd insulted my hair. That had been the last straw and I'd cut him down without a second thought. With no other options I'd joined the City Watch. I'd been regretting it ever since.

"You've been blamed for the massacre of Ember, a witness having seen you, describing a young human with short, black and blue hair and tan skin, bearing rapiers and wearing light grey leathers."

That could be anyone. I mean, short black and blue hair is _very_ common.

Okay, I've got to act calm. Come on girl, form an actual word!

A few moments passed by silently as all the eyes turned to stare at me.

I gave a small gulp.

"Uh-huh."

Stupid betraying brain! I'll deal with you later.

"Kiara, did you hear what the man with the ridiculously nice hair just said?" Shandra exploded, arms waving about and her voice squeaky high.

I nodded again, gaping a little.

"Uh-huh."

A frown creased Nevalle's features, wrinkling his brow, "Lieutenant?"

"Uh-huh?"

"I think she's broken," Neeshka said with wide eyes, leaning across the table as far as she could and prodding me in the arm.

I knit my brow, shaking my head vigorously and then looking back up at Nevalle.

I didn't really know what to say. I mean, it's not everyday I'm blamed for the massacre of an entire village.

"So what do I have to do to prove I'm innocent? Who do I gotta kill? Please don't tell me its more orcs. Last time I went after orcs I picked up a paladin who thinks dark and brooding is back in, and a gnome whose foot lives in his mouth."

Nevalle seemed relieved, if a little worried about my sanity, that I was still willing to listen. Truth is, I was too shocked to manage a full-on bolt for the door.

"You are to be tried in Luskan―"

I sucked in a deep breath and glared at Nevalle.

"I've got two words for you, 'nuh' and 'uh'. There's no way I'm going into Luskan territory. Once they're done with me all the king's horses and all the king's men won't be able to put me together again."

This is just too much for me.

Nevalle clenched his jaw before continuing, "If you would please let me finish, Lieutenant. I was going to say that the only way to have a proper trail in Neverwinter would be to become a squire. From there, Sand will help you gather evidence to prove your innocence. Hopefully this will help you."

Sand? Trial?? Oh boy.

I slowly looked from the face of Nevalle to those of my friends. They all looked like they were bursting to have their own input on the matter.

"I really hate Nasher," I gritted out.

Nevalle glared at me, seemingly angered by this statement.

"Lord Nasher is doing everything in his power to see that you are not left to Luskan. You _will_ treat your king with respect."

Okay, I'll treat him with respect.

"I really hate _**Lord**_ Nasher," I said through tightly clenched teeth.

"Don't look at me, I didn't vote for him," Neeshka said with a shrug, her tail lashing about behind her.

Khelgar turned to face Neeshka, opening his mouth, and then, thinking twice, shook his head and turned back to his drink.

"I don't know where you've been, my dear little demon, but Neverwinter isn't a democratic republic. You don't vote for who is going to be king next."

I didn't need to look up to know that it had been Sand who had been speaking. He approached out table with a grace that only elves seem to grasp and stood by Nevalle's side. He started kneading his hands together, before smiling tightly down at me.

Oh boy, I'm really in trouble this time.

"Miss me?" the wizard prompted.

"Only in the sense of 'no'," I replied flatly, my left eye giving a small annoyed twitch.

Oh great, I've been blamed for the massacre of an entire village, and now I've got an eye twitch. What's next, a pimple?

Sand's overall façade was bored and calm, but there was a slight glint to his eyes. It was as if this whole experience were humoring him greatly.

Well, I'm outta here.

Okay, I think I can manage getting out of my seat without any help. My feet _should_ be able to find the ground.

I slipped from the table, Shandra making to rise too. I gave a low sweeping bow to Nevalle and then turned on my heel as quickly as I could.

"Wait for me, Kiara," Shandra called as she pushed her seat in.

I promptly ignored the girl continuing across the room. I only stopped to shudder when Nevalle's voice reached my ears once more.

"You are _not_ allowed to leave the walls of Neverwinter until you've been squired, Lieutenant," Nevalle called to me, his voice stern. "You won't be able to run from both Neverwinter and Luskan."

I looked back over my shoulder. "I don't plan on running, just hiding in my room with the lights off and pretending I'm not home," I stated blandly before turning on my heel once more.

"Well, I can dare say it's going to be a challenge proving this girl's innocence," Sand said, hints of a smile pulling at his lips.

I just hope I'm still standing when this all clears up.

Yeah, I'm in _way_ over my head.

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Please let me know what you think, any and all constructive critocism is welcome.

I'm going to try and steer clear from making it a retelling of the storyline, because I'm sure everybody knows it pretty well by now.

Also, I'm loosely basing each chapter on a song, and if anybody has a song they want me to have a go at, I'm all ears.

Also, don't take this all _too _seriously, at time's I'm going to try and mix and match genre, add a bit of angst, maybe even try for writing a serious conversation, but mainly it's just a bit of fun.

Again, thanks Jade for beta reading it all.

just-passing-time.


	2. Riot Girl

Alrighty, first of all, thanks Jade Sabre for beta reading this piece; it's all really appreciated and incredibly helpful.

Secondly, I don't own any of the characters bar Kiara. But then again, I can't tell her what to do, she just sort of writes herself.

This chapter is written through the POV of Sand, and I wrote it after and whilst listening to 'Riot Girl' by 'Good Charlotte.'

Okay, I'll stop rambling on now. Oh yeah, and please, if you've taken the time to read this chapter, a few more seconds can't hurt, don't forget, reviews keep the chapters coming.

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II

Riot Girl

"Good Charlotte."

_Sand_

"My ranger senses are tingling."

_Ranger senses?_

"Bishop, I've said this once, and I'll say it again; I don't want to hear about anything of yours that is tingling."

I sighed when the sound of Kiara's interjection reached my ears. That girl couldn't help but snap back at the ranger.

The ranger's overcast eyes took in every fur covered inch of the spider with seemingly little interest. "Yeah, well, my ranger senses are telling me that this creature is _not_ hostile," Bishop stated.

Khelgar hefted his axe enthusiastically. "Well, we're goin' to have to fix that, aren't we?" he huffed out gruffly.

What I wouldn't do for a giant book with which to squash it.

"Oh my, that is a beastly spider," Grobnar gasped out.

The little bard's eyes were wide as he stared at the creature, the arrow wound he'd acquired on his right arm momentarily forgotten.

"It is good to see that your previously acquired wound, thanks to our dear goblin tribe from before, doesn't seem to have damaged your uncanny talent to point out the utterly uninteresting, gnome," I said fair-mindedly.

My voice rang loudly, echoing throughout the vast cavern. I stood behind everyone else. The spider would have to go through them all before it could get to me. By then I should have a haste and invisibility spell up and running. Then again, I don't think I'd be able to concentrate with a giant spider eating all my companions right in front of me. I'd be laughing too much to get a complete word out.

"Kiara," Shandra called out hesitantly. She placed her hand on our noble leader's noble back. "I say we move on before it changes its mind."

"I agree with Shandra. If the creature means us no harm, I say we be on our way," the paladin issued, his voice bland.

Casavir loomed by Kiara's left shoulder. No wonder the girl was such a good rogue; she always had the hulking paladin by her, overshadowing her and hiding her every move.

I sighed once more at the sound of Bishop's voice. The ranger always seemed to have something to say right after the paladin spoke.

"Well then, I," unsurprisingly, "say we do the exact opposite to what the paladin just said. I think we should see what it wants," Bishop stated.

The tiefling rogue held a weapon in each hand, prepared for the worst. "Kiara, the very fact that the ranger wants to approach the spider should be reason enough not to, don't ya think?" Neeshka protested.

I still fail to understand the exact reason for _two_ rogues in the group. Half the time we're fighting some form of undead, and when that's the case rogues are useless. Bah, but then, what would I know? I'm just the humble _'hedge wizard'_ with the incredibly high IQ and sharp wit.

"Bishop, Neeshka does have a point," Kiara said, deep in thought; "You're shifty-looking and you never fail to point out how much you hate us all. What in all your time of knowing me makes you think I'd value your opinion upon something as important as a giant spider?"

She thinks the fact that a spider isn't attacking us is _important_? This girl sure does have her priorities set. She's the key suspect for the massacre of an entire village and she's more interesting in a spider than finding evidence.

This group is a riot just waiting to happen. And Kiara would be right at the front leading it.

This was obviously going to take a while.

Shaking my head , I walked to the wall, finding somewhere not _completely_ covered in goblin guts, and sat.

The spider was doing much the same as it had been the past few minutes. Its bizarrely intelligent eyes were sizing us all up, one by one. We'd found the spider shortly after killing off a whole goblin tribe and obtaining some evidence of Luskan activity within the area recently.

Right now, we were blocking its only escape, and it seemed to think that we weren't a force to be reckoned with. Little did it know that it could indeed walk right through the bunch of them and nobody would even notice because they were too busy pointing out all the reasons that the ranger was hated.

"Oh, come on, already," Qara complained. She rolled her head back, staring up at the ceiling. "Can we please just attack it and get it over with? I'm sure the thing fries just like every other spider we've come across."

Qara's an idiot; that about sums her up.

"Somethin' is starting to feel a lot not right about this," Kelgar mused.

"My dear dwarf," I drawled out. "That's exactly what I've been thinking, only with better grammar."

Kiara looked back at me. The expression on her face clearly stated that she'd forgotten about me.

"Hey, Sand, you seem to know what's going on around you, unlike these guys. I'd say it looks pretty darn smart, not to mention dangerous. In fact, come to think of it, I'm willing to bet that this spider would be a better choice of companion than Bishop."

Honestly, _anyone_ would be a better companion.

The girl had a quick wit at times, but I was still deciding whether she was an absolute genius, or an incredibly naive twit. It was more than likely the later.

"Hmm? Yes, I'd have to agree with you on that one. Whilst the creature lacks the sharp tongue and distinctive smell, I dare say it has an academic advantage over our dear ranger."

Bishop turned to face me, his hands still crossed. "I'll take that as a compliment, wizard."

"Well, it wasn't intended as once. The fact that you have a sharp tongue does not mean you have a keen mind. And I was merely pointing out that you smell rather horrid and might consider bathing once in a while."

The ranger smirked forebodingly, his eyes narrowed into slits I gave a thin smile before tilting my head back and leaning it against the hard rock wall.

Kiara cleared her throat, her expression stating that she was obviously pleased that someone had managed to shut the ranger up for once. "Now that you're done baiting Bishop, are you gonna tell us what you think on the matter at hand, Sand?"

"Certainly," I replied, standing up in a flourish of robes. "As much as I loath to admit it, Bishop was correct to assume the creature is not hostile. However, it does appear to be smarter than any spider, no matter the size, should be."

"Bishop, you're the great and mighty ranger, go do your animal mojo thing and suss out what it wants," Kiara ordered with a wry grin.

Bishop turned to face the rogue, his eyes seemingly drinking in her appearance. "Why didn't you bring the druid? You seem to have brought everyone but her along, even the whiney sorceress."

"She was out chasing butterflies in daisy-filled fields again. I couldn't be bothered going out of my way to get her," Kiara said with a shrug. "Besides, she wouldn't have wanted to come anyway."

We all looked at Kiara skeptically, not believing a word she was saying.

"Nah, who am I kidding? I didn't want her to come. I failed to mention we were leaving. She annoys me and I look forward to her death."

"Think of it this way, if you bring the druid along chances of her getting hit by a stray arrow will increase," Bishop offered.

Kiara's eyes seemed to light up at the prospect. "I'll think about it."

In all honestly, she sounded dead serious.

"I still don't believe the spider to be friendly and think―"

Casavir barely got a few words out before Bishop was down his throat.

Bishop leered at the paladin, a cruel upward curve to his lips. "Well then. Go on, paladin. See if it's hostile. Prove me wrong, please."

Kiara raised a hand in the air, waving it about expectantly and jumping from foot to foot. She was successfully mimicking the behavior of a small child seeking attention.

"Oh, oh, oh, I have an idea."

This is Duncan's niece we're talking about. Any idea she has can't be good.

All eyes turned to Kiara expectantly, and her hands fell back to her side.

"I say we go along with Bishop's plan. I mean, look at it this way Casavir, you'll be proving Bishop wrong, _and_ when it eats you, your armour will choke it, possibly killing it. It'll save us all the hassle. That's what you paladins do, right? You know, you sacrifice yourselves for the greater good; things like damsel's in distress and cute little puppies."

Well, what do you know; she finally came up with a sound plan. Well, except for the bit about the damsels and puppies.

"There's no fault in the idea as far as I can see," Qara mused.

"No," the paladin stated bluntly.

There was a chorus of groans as soon as Casavir refused to sacrifice himself to quench our curiosity.

"Oh well. Tallyho, Bishop, go do your ranger thing and see what it wants," Kiara ordered. She gave the ranger a rough shove in the back, pushing him forward a few paces.

The ranger whirled around, once more facing Kiara. I expected him to lash out, say something incredibly moronic and vile, but, amazingly, he didn't. Without another word he turned and made his way towards the spider.

The ranger didn't say anything to the spider. He simply stood a few paces before the monstrosity and nodded his head. With massive feet the creature scraped at the rocks in front of it; creating shallow markings in the hard stone floor of the cavern.

"I fail to understand how that man can get creatures to talk to him, but socializing with beings that have brains bigger than peas is lost to him," the farm girl, Shandra, mused.

I heard a deep intake of air from the ranger, ready to lash back at the girl. I beat him to it.

"That, my dear farmer, is because not many here have brains much bigger than peas," I pointed out matter-of-factly.

These people really leave themselves open for insults. In all honesty, they make it so easy.

"Oh, I wonder what it's writing," Grobnar spoke up. The gnome's voice was as merry as usual, and his expression just as juvenile.

Bishop knelt on one knee, deciphering whatever chicken scratching the ghastly creature had left with an unreadable expression.

"It's smart enough to draw and write some basic letters," The ranger explained thoughtfully. Bishop paused as he stood to his full height again. "All I can make out from this is that its name is Kistrel, and it's hungry."

"Well, why doesn't it do what any other hulking spider would do in this situation and try and eat us?" Neeshka supplied her opinion with a frown.

"What didn't you understand about it being smart? _I_ wouldn't go attacking this group of hooligans. No matter how hungry I may be," I pointed out to the tiefling.

Her tail lashed about behind her as she huffed in annoyance. She placed her hands on her hips before glaring at me in a childlike manner.

Kiara gave a warning shake of her finger. "Careful Sand, you're a hooligan now too," she said.

"Hooray," I muttered sarcastically. "I'm simply ecstatic over the prospect."

She gave a small satisfied grin before returning her attention to Bishop and the giant spider.

"So there's no chance the spider is gonna chomp down on you anytime soon, huh?" Kiara called ahead to the ranger, a hint of dissatisfaction to her voice.

The ranger turned back to face us. "Can't say there is," he replied evenly.

This news merited collective complaints from everyone.

"Well that's a disappointment," I muttered, on the verge of grumbling.

Grobnar jumped from one foot to the other, his face alight in excitement. "Lady Kiara!"

Kiara rolled her pale blue eyes so far back in her head I didn't think I'd ever see them again.

The little bard let his small pack drop to the hard floor of the cave before rummaging through the pockets in search of gods knows what.

"Oh yes, yes, yes, this will do nicely."

"You know what else will do nicely?" Qara started.

"―An appropriately placed silence spell, hmm?" I asked the sorceress somewhat haughtily. "Oh yes, that's right. You can only light things on fire."

The sorceress turned to me, her eyes ablaze, and her voice intolerably smug.

"Oh yeah? Well, I'm proud of it. A fireball in the gnome's direction would shut him up just as well. And, unlike your spell, it would be permanent."

"Qara," Kiara started calmly, "If you don't shut up and listen to Grobnar's idea, we'll just improvise and feed Kistrel freshly cut sorceress. M'kay?"

I felt the corners of my mouth twitch upwards at Kiara's tone of voice. It was so calm, yet so very patronizing. She was used to dealing with each individual person in the group. That much was apparent.

"Grobnar, what was it that you had to say, presumably an insane ramble, yes?" Kiara's tone was encouraging, the aggravation behind her words lost on the naïve gnome.

"Ah yes. I was going to say we feed Kistrel the insects we found in that werewolf cave before. I've got some blue ones, and some that I think were originally yellow but I spilt ink on them and they've―"

"I must point out how convenient it is that we came across a box of insects only mere hours before wandering into a hungry spider," I stated.

"Such is the life of adventurers," Kiara uttered in reply.

She gave a small grin, one that didn't quite reach her eyes. Taking the box of spiders from the gnome, she held it out to the sorceress.

"Now, Qara, go and feed the giant spider."


	3. Next Contestant

DISCLAIMER Original characters belong to those people, you know; the ones with the eyes and the nose that're kinda in the middle. However, I am accountable for the random extras that get killed on a regular basis and, of course, Kiara.

I know I haven't updated in quite some time; I'll even throw around the phrase "for ages".

But here's the next chapter, I've found my muse again; and I hope you enjoy it's return as much as I have.

You know the drill; reviews are greatly appreciated. **Also, if anyone had a specific song that they wanted me to base a chapter upon, please include it in the said review.**

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Next Contestant

"**Nickelback"**

_**Kiara**_

Up until that point the fight had been all fun and games. _Now_ it was personal.

Well, okay, I guess some _could_ say it was had already been some level of personal to begin with. I mean, the Luskan soldiers were sent specifically to kill me and then bring my head back on a bloody pike. (I know this specifically, as they'd told me upon bumping into both Bishop and I.) But now they'd really gone too far.

They had well and truly crossed the line.

I watched in pure outrage as a large clump of stark blue hair fell to the dirt; sliced from atop my head by a keen blade wielded by a not so keen enemy soldier.

"Now you're in for it, boy," Bishop stated bluntly, laughing manically.

Anger radiated off of me in heated waves. The soldier whom had truly doomed them all by cutting my said hair stumbled back. His eyes were wide in fear and his tight, white lips were wavering.

I regained my composure.

"Do you realise what you've just done?" I hissed at him. "You've just signed your own death warrant." I drew my rapiers. "Now, I'm going to forcibly reverse your gender."

There were twenty or so nameless Luskan soldiers against myself, Bishop, and his wolf; Karnwyr.

…The odds were in our favour; it was going to be far too easy.

With a manic laugh, Bishop charged the fearful cluster of Luskan soldiers.

"Luskan breed bastards," he shouted gruffly.

"Bishop, that battle cry has _so_ lost all of its originality. Please, for the sake of my poor ears; think of a new one," I shouted to him.

I twirled my rapiers, my eyes never leaving that of the hair-hacking-Luskan. I slowly approached him.

"Ah, I think I might have one," Bishop called back, slitting throat after bloody throat.

"Hit me," I shouted to the psychopathic ranger.

"I'll tell ya mum of all your death's tonight," Bishop cried as he hacked off a soldier's head. "Don't worry," he whispered to the beheaded corpse, "I'll be there to comfort her."

Huh? That's the most idiotic battle cry _ever_; and I've heard some of Casavir's God-bothering ones, so that's definitely saying something. I give it a four out of ten.

"Okay, that was more original; but it was also kind of creepy and disconcerting," I called to him. "So, all in all, it really does suit you."

Bishop's attack shocked them out of their fearful stupor. In reply they swarmed both him and Karnwyr, hacking pathetically at the agile ranger and his equally dangerous animal companion.

I ducked a desperate swing of the soiled soldier's keen blade. Grinning as he stabbed fruitlessly at my leathers.

With my rapiers, I slashed at his wrist, causing him to drop his weapon with a shout of pain. The meagre cuts brought him to his knees. All in all, it was utterly pathetic and a bit of a letdown.

I drew back one of my thin blades.

"Awww, _crap, _not―" he had no time to finish his sentence.

I stabbed the rapier into his flesh and then right through his heart with a satisfactory _squelch_. Blood gurgled from his lips as he coughed, and then his head sagged.

I withdrew my blade with a disgusted tug.

"I don't know why nameless henchmen always think that their superior numbers can defeat us," I shouted to Bishop.

He'd dispatched six of them already.

"Everyone knows that the good guys can only die via one of the main bad guys, or some kind of cliché natural catastrophe that occurs after said bad guys have been defeated," I concluded.

I wiped the rapier clean on my grey leathers.

It had always confused me that my fire and acid enhanced weapons could burn through flesh, but never my clothes when I was cleaning them. They were so inconsistent; but I wasn't one to complain about something like that. It's not like I _wanted_ to be burnt. It just always made me wonder.

"Stop rambling like an idiot and help me," Bishop shouted brusquely.

I couldn't actually see him amongst the horde of randomly stabbing men. However, I could hear the cries of the Luskan's as one after the other died, as well as the growls of both Karnwyr and Bishop quite clearly.

I giggled, rushing at the small group with my blades held out, straight and parallel. I simply had to run through them to effortlessly behead three with my magically enhanced rapiers. I spun in a full circle once I was completely within the crowd, killing numerous more. Their blood sprayed me as they cried out in shock.

I bounded around a man ―hacking one of his flailing arms from his body― to stand by Bishop and Karnwyr's side.

I wonder if Bishop would believe me if I stabbed the mangy wolf and blamed a Luskan… Hmm, I better not risk it. I'll never be able to find my way back to the Sunken Flagon without Bishop to lead me.

"I've killed six men and an arm," I shouted above the noise as I sidestepped a blow to my hip. "It seems I'm in the lead by an arm."

Bishop brought his hunting knife up through a soldier's chin, killing him instantly. He tugged his weapon free and then spun around, stabbing another in the stomach and then again in his chest simply for good measure.

He looked back at me; over his broad, padded shoulder. "I've killed eight now," he stated smugly, daring me silently to beat him.

I stabbed the last two men, one through the stomach, and the other in his hip. The one I'd stabbed in the stomach fell to the floor in a withering heap, though the other continued to swing his flailing flail ―catchy description, I know― at our heads.

Now let me clue you in on something I've come to learn in my time of adventuring; large metal flail vs. human skull, the flail will _always_ win. This I know from experience.

Bishop chuckled; effortlessly elbowing the Luskan in the jaw and then kicking him forcefully with a heavily booted foot. The man toppled backwards and fell onto one of his dead comrades weapons.

"What a klutz," I laughed. "I mean, who falls _onto_ a weapon?"

Well, there goes the last contestant.

"That last one still counts as my kill," I turned to face Bishop with a frown. "I stabbed him in the hip. Technically, I did all the hard work."

"I'm in the lead, deal with it." He grinned cockily. "So, what's my prize?"

"How does; me _not_ killing you sound?" I retorted seriously.

"I'll hold you to that," he replied. "There'll be no attempted killings of me from this moment forth. Not that you could if you tried."

I wasn't one to go back on a promise, ―usually. However, I would find a way sooner or later. As soon as he ceased to be amusing and useful; he was gone for good.

"Fine, but rest assured; I'll find other means of ensuring your death," I replied earnestly. "And your _pet_ doesn't count in this deal. He'd better watch his hairy little back."

I received a deep growl from the animal in question upon mentioning his name. Bishop, in reply to this, petted his beloved wolf upon the head.

"Later you can rip her throat out," he promised Karnwyr. "Right now there's more Luskan's on the horizon."

"I'll kill more this time, I'll win," I assured him confidently.

"We'll just have to wait and see," he muttered.

Blood-covered and sweaty, the ranger still managed to look darn fine after a week away from Neverwinter and _real_ people. That was the problem; he was the only male for miles that wasn't Luskan and wasn't trying to kill me. Well, he wasn't Luskan; that was for sure. However, the last bit was still a little unclear.

I really should have brought more people along; but I knew that it was faster to travel in a small group, even if that small group consisted sorely of me, the disgusting mongrel, and Karnwyr. I mean, there was no way we could subtly and quickly rid the bordering lands of Luskan's with a large party of drunken dwarfs, troublesome tieflings, pyromaniac sorceresses, tone-deaf ankle-bitters ―or gnomes as some liked to call them, air-head tree-huggers, bulky god-botherers and annoying farmers that won't shut up. For the first time in my life; logic had won.

That'll teach me to never reason with logic again.

I raised a hand to my head, feeling around for the shortened cluster of hair. Sure enough, there was a whole patch which had been reduced to barely a few centimetres. My blood started to boil.

Each fight seems to be getting worse. I'll have to see if I can get Sand to 'kadabra' my hair when we get back. Chances of that being successful were slim though, I knew this.

"It'll grow back," Bishop insisted gruffly. "Be thankful it wasn't your head."

"If only," I mused. "I could have had that healed, at least."

"Yeah, now that you mention it, it would have been a vast improvement to listening to your constant whining. It would have saved me the trouble as well."

Trumpet calls resounded in the distance and barks from tracking dogs could be faintly heard too. Hmm, Karnwyr'll have some new play mates. I grinned; I hope they have sharp teeth.

Bishop took what I'm sure he thought was a threatening stance, Karnwyr licking his bloodied lips by his side.

The angered shouts of the approaching Luskan soldiers was next to reach my ears. I took a much-more-threatening-than-Bishop stance, awaiting the soldiers in anticipation. My weapons were held high, ready for the imminent attack.

"And here come our next contestants," Bishop drawled. "_Luskan bread bastards_."

I dropped my rapiers to my side with a sigh, turning to face Bishop. "Have you learnt _nothing_?"

It wasn't the charging mass of nameless men that I had to worry about. The person I knew I should worry about was my greatest competing challenger in the sick and twisted little game that my life had become.

Bishop was the real contestant and, through all the jests, we both knew it.

All we didn't know ―yet― was who would win.

* * *

Remember reviews are greatly appreciated and only help in creating a better read for you guys, I really appreciate them. :P

~just-passing-time

* * *


	4. Everyday People

**Everyday People**

"**Sly and the Family Stone"**

_**Neeshka**_

Kiara cussed as her out-of-the-blue stab at the imposing guardian's adamantine kneecap, unsurprisingly, had no effect whatsoever. She stood back, appraising the meagre scrape she'd accomplished, stroking her fingers along her chin in deep contemplation as she did so. She seemed genuinely surprised that she'd caused little to no damage.

"Do you think its kneecaps will be immune to sneak attacks, Neeshka?" she asked me from over her shoulder.

I smirked, not even bothering to offer a reply.

Sand sighed from his place a few steps back, as if expecting such idiotic and barbaric behaviour from our leader.

"Dear girl, the guarding of Ammon Jerro's haven, with the really large sword, might I add, is not asking us to complete brain surgery in a self built rocket. This being a good thing as I don't particularily relish at the thought of you hooligans operating on me, being that I obtain the only brain in the given vicinity."

Mid rant I began to wonder how he completed such long winded speeches. He truly must practice them beforehand. Yet he still wasn't finished yet, it seemed.

"The three tasks he has assigned to us are simple," he concluded, "Much like our dear Grobnar here."

The gnome gave a small satisfied smile at the mentioning of his name.

Kiara's face lit up in a devious smirk, and I could practically hear the clogs within her head clunking until they'd jammed completely, bringing her to her final decision.

"If it's so simple, I'm sure you'll have no problem completing the three tasks on your own then, yeah?"

Sand's face paled instantly, a great feat on his behalf given that his skin was practically translucent to begin with, and he offered a slight frown. He was, for once, completely and gratifyingly speechless.

"You can't let him hog all of the killing," the barrel headed dwarf objected forcefully, shaking his bloodless axe for emphasis. "It's a crime for me axe to not be completely soaked in blood yet at this time of day."

"I can and I most definitely will," Kiara replied simply.

"I, for one, like the plan," Bishop intervened with a lazy smirk.

Everyone turned to face the previously quiet ranger. He stood leaning against one of the guardian's large legs, itching disinterestedly at the stubble upon his chin.

"That's because it involves the wizard's inevitable death," Shandra, the pesky farm girl, spoke up.

She stood beside Kiara, but a foot away, as per usual. Our leader in question was trying to keep her distance from the aggravatingly clingy girl.

"Yeah, and that genuinely surprises you?" Bishop retaliated bluntly. "Go back to being a quiet little butt puppet, Key."

I smirked at the utmost look of hurt, quickly replaced by anger, that flashed across the girl's face at Bishop's new nickname for her.

She opened her mouth to retaliate but was abruptly cut off by Kiara's raised hand.

"Bishop, she is not just a key for us to use to get into Ammon Jerro's haven," Kiara surprisingly defended the girl.

I felt like asking if our leader was feeling alright, or getting Sand to cast some kind of anti-possession spell on her, just to be sure.

Kiara smirked as she continued, "Shandra is also an important meat shield for the group."

"Who knew; she has more than one use," I piped up. "This must be a proud moment for you, farmer's daughter."

"Shut your trap, tiefling," Khelgar rushed to the damsel's rescue.

I huffed indignantly in reply to the dwarf's curt attack.

"I do believe there was a certain bookworm due for a suicide mission, wasn't there?" Qara briskly reminded everyone, her lips pulled upward in a seething smirk.

She looked pointedly at Sand whom was trying desperately to blend in with his surroundings and remain forgotten.

"I thought you enjoyed the spotlight, Sand," Kiara stated pointedly, sheer mockery underlying her artificially sweetened tone.

"This calls for a tune to set him on his way," Grobnar sang merrily.

"What is sending Sand off on his own going to ultimately achieve, my lady?" Casavir's deep voice rumbled louder than that of everyone's complains which were in reply to Grobnar's previous statement.

Kiara narrowed her eyes, watching the large paladin pointedly, as if the answer was obvious. She sighed when he continued to await an answer expectantly.

"What does it achieve?" she repeated, "My overall amusement, that's what."

Bishop gave a low chuckle at the look of clear disgust worn upon the paladin's face.

Sand refused to move, his feet rooted to the spot.

Qara gave an amused hiss of laughter. "The very fact that you've yet to leave proves that you doubt your own skills, hedge wizard."

Sand gave an indignant huff, scowling at the young brat. "The very fact that you're travelling with us proves that Kiara is simply trying to get you killed, a more appealing alternative than having to put up with you serving, and spitting in, our food at the Sunken Flagon," was the elf's retaliation.

"The wind whispers of dangers, should Sand leave," Elanee spoke up.

It was weird hearing her voice; I was so used to the druid generally being left behind on missions due to her relentlessly annoying personality, voice, hair, and opinions.

She sat in the only patch of grass for miles; her slender leg's tucked beneath her and her hair perfect despite the constant breeze.

Kiara turned around, hands on her hips, a figure of authority.

"What have I told you about voicing your thoughts, druid?" she pressed in seriousness.

Casavir stepped forwards, heeding the elf's words whilst everyone else was too busy thinking; 'I thought we left Elanee at the Flagon, why in the nine hells is she with us?'

The paladin looked about him, as if the danger that Elanee had spoken of would jump out at us at any moment.

"What is the wind telling you?" he queried, his voice a hushed whisper.

Elanee frowned, as if greatly puzzled, her large slanted eyes emphasizing her bewilderment.

"How should I know? I don't speak wind," she stated simply.

Her statement was met with silence, Kiara rubbing the bridge of her nose whilst everyone, save Grobnar whom was obliviously strumming his lute, simply gaped at her with loose jaws.

I gave a small giggle, my tail twisting up before my mouth to conceal my growing smile. This was a colourful group I'd found myself a part of; _I _was no longer the odd one, _I _was no longer alone. Due to the god's having a warped sense of humour, we'd been brought together.

Then again, at the end of the day, it makes no difference what group we're in; we're everyday people. Well, we are if you ignore the fact that we're fighting an ancient evil and trying to get into an old warlock's haven who will probably kill us all… normal people stuff, right?

Moments passed and nothing else was said, everyone still gaping at the elf in wonder. Boredom was quick to settle in. Shaking my head I decided that I should say something, lest the disconcerting silence go on any longer.

"So, are we going to send Sand on his merry way, or are you testing out a new method and trying to kill off all of our enemies with boredom?" I piped up.

Shandra shook her head, clearly amazed that we were still serious about letting Sand complete the three trials that the guardian had set for us by himself.

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot," Kiara was shaken from her previous trance. "Take your pick, Sand; the ranger or the rogue? I saw some areas that you're going to need someone dexterous to help you through."

Damn, I might have to go too? I was looking forward to some time to wander around and see what I could find on my own. Then again, if it's just Sand and I, there'd be a bigger share of loot than usual for me.

"Oh hurray," Sand said dryly. "Do I want to be backstabbed by the ranger, or backstabbed, stolen from, and my ear talked off by the rogue? Choices, choices, choices."

I frowned; Sand's barbed words making me feel less and less like helping him. Bishop started to draw a bow from his quiver, a smile tugging at his lips.

"Why wait till we're gone for me to backstab you? How about we just get it out of the way, wizard?" Bishop stated.

Qara smirked in reply to Bishop's threat, obviously liking where this trail of conversation was heading.

Our leader waved her hands above her head, seeking the attention of everyone as people started to form an intimidating semi-circle of sorts around Sand.

"There'll be no killing of Sand, not until we get this whole Jerro mess out of the way, deal?" Kiara spoke up.

"First you say we can't kill the creatures guarding this place, and then you say we can't kill the bookworm?" Khelgar questioned, bushy brows hiding his eyes from sight in a deep frown.

This conversation wasn't going anywhere; Shandra would die from old age, the blood drying up within her body, before we would ever get around to using her to get into the haven. I raised my tail, arms crossed against my chest and my foot tapping impatiently.

"I'll go with him," I offered.

"Two annoying bird's with one stone," Bishop mused under his breath with a dark smirk.

"Bishop," Casavir sternly warned the darker man.

"Yeah?" the ranger replied. "What?"

The paladin looked as if he might take the ranger's bait and retaliate, but, taking a deep breath, he clenched his large fists, looking to the sky.

"Please, Tyr; grant me strength," he begged of his god.

"Well, whilst you guys are all busy asking the sky for help, talking to the wind, scratching your stubble, playing your lutes, being short, and bossing people around, Sand and I are off to go kick some butt," I stated, making to stand by the unusually silent wizard's side.

"Kiara, my dear girl, when I'm done with whatever creatures are involved in the three trials, you better hope that I've run out of spells for the day because I'll be coming after you next," Sand warned our leader with a level tone. "You might also want to keep a resurrection spell handy for our tiefling here, I can't promise my aim will be one hundred percent when I fire magic missiles today, I keep getting the surrounding dust in my eyes and my vision isn't perfect due to that."

"Hey, I'm trying to help you out here, wizard," I snapped, offended.

Grobnar chose then to speak up, as naive as ever. "Sir Sand, you do realise that you cannot miss your target with magic missile, correct?"

Sand gave a smug smile, turning and walking in the direction the guardian had pointed us in.

He gave a dry chuckle, "I know."

....

I hope you enjoyed that little ramble of silly banter; any and all reviews are appreciated.


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